The Thoughts, Updates, and Happenings of Eric, Rachel Leigh, Kyle, and Keira.

The Path of the Fatherless

Sun, 7 Mar 2010 22:56:15 -0600

I grew up fatherless. I saw my dad a few times growing up. I knew his name and whereabouts. I spent about two weeks with him in 1991 and he was always very kind to me when we saw each other. I got cards most birthdays and christmases. But he wasn’t a part of my life, was never married to my mother, and we lived many states away from each other most of my childhood. It wasn’t until I was 17 that I began to get to know my dad and to develop the friendship with him that I am grateful we still have. We are a testimony to genetics and I’m proud to be his son. My mother was young and I was a surprise. I never wondered if she loved me but I also knew she struggled in many ways raising a son by herself.

The path of fatherlessness was a long and painful road shrouded in insecurity for me. It is a path so far off the one God meant for families that I didn’t know I was even on it until I had my own kids. I knew it was better to have a mom AND a dad but I didn’t understand what I was missing. As I’ve been reflecting on my role in my own kids’ lives, it’s proven to be extremely painful for me as I look back on my childhood. So I figured I’d write a bit about it:

I look at my son and my daughter now and I see little souls that need a type of protection their mom couldn’t provide in spite of her commitment and good maternal instincts. They need a structure and authority I alone can provide. They need a dad they revere to hold them with grace when they expect nothing more than justice. These are things my kids can only get from me. For all the beauty and wisdom that is their mother, she provides a separate set of skills, a special kind of nurturing, and wisdom I can’t offer them. God designed the nuclear family to raise healthy children.

What potential in me was lost not having a father and being exposed to men who were perfect losers? What struggles would have been overcome earlier in life or avoided altogether? What could my father and I have learned from each other? How much less equipped am I to be a father and husband with the lack of many positive male role models in my early childhood? How much relational heartache could I have avoided? How many unhealthy situations as a kid would have been avoided? How did the fear and insecurity that plagued my childhood affect me today?

It was a God-send to have my aunt and uncle take me in my freshman year in high school. To study (and I DID study intently and consciously) not just their relationship but their friends’ relationships as they sought to serve their Creator and their families was vital in helping me overcome my many relational and spiritual shortcomings. Having men in my life like Robert Rangel, Kenny Howell, D.A. Haworth, my grandparents, and a myriad slightly older guys in the “College Group” mentor and take an interest in me was key to me overcoming some paralyzing fears and weaknesses. Thank God they let me tag along and they pursued me even when I didn’t want them to. It was painful to have some of them call me on my B.S. and to expose my immaturity. It was actually physically painful at times to realize an older man loved me unconditionally when I grew up hating and distrusting older men. It was embarrassing to have older women and my peers expose my lack of social graces, my complete ignorance on all things chivalry, etc. But it was a gift.

I look back at my teenage and young adult years and shudder. I was generally articulate and respectful compared to many of my peers but I was completely clueless about relationships, how to treat a woman, and how to be an honorable man. I was scared to death of adulthood. I didn’t know what being a godly male was. I treated some so poorly as a result of my lack of discipline and my fear of abandonment I wish I could track them down, hug them, and say I was sorry. A couple of you know who you are and already know I’m deeply sorry.

My mother did her best but the best mother could not have provided what I needed. I needed a dad. I needed an identity as a young man.

Thankfully, as an adult, I’m in a community of healthy families I can glean from. I have spent most of my teenage and young adult life trying to learn what it is to be a man of God, a good husband, and father. My wife grew up in a healthy home and teaches me daily about patience and grace.

But can you ever truly recover from being fatherless? My kids will, thankfully, never worry about this. They will never wonder if their parents love them or where they come from. They’ll never have a gnawing feeling in their soul that wonders what a family would be like as I did growing up. They’ll never lack for instruction from a well-rounded parental team. My children will always know they are safe with us. Hopefully my kids will be better equipped than I was to deal with the types of pain I’ve written about before and that will probably visit them at some point in their lives. I’m grateful I can be for them what I always wanted for myself!

There is a spiritual and physical poverty that often comes with being fatherless. My mother and I never had much by way of money growing up but the spiritual emptiness and fear I faced was paralyzing in many ways. I believe every kid in this situation - no matter how poor or dysfunctional - only needs one of two things to escape into a healthy adulthood:
1. No Attitude of Poverty. Some people have an innate drive to rise above their circumstances. These kids won’t settle for less than better than their parents could provide physically or otherwise and strive for more.
2. Older men (for boys) or older women (for girls) that relentlessly pursue them and love them unconditionally outside their parent(s)/guardian.

I had both. I’m forever grateful to God that he spoke to me directly as a kid and He provided men and women who rescued me from my circumstances and came alongside my mother to love me unconditionally.

I am impressed with dedicated single parents. I am in awe of foster children who press on with much less than I had. I think many kids grow up very well adjusted in single-parent homes. But there’s nothing like having a mom and a dad. There’s nothing like living in the family unit designed by God to nurture young lives. May God use my family somehow to encourage others who are fatherless...if they are anything like me, they could use all the encouragement they can get. I’m extremely grateful I have a great relationship with both my parents today and know most in my situation don’t get that luxury later in life.

I would rather have grown up with both parents. I feel in my heart that my potential as a human being is somewhat limited by a less-than-ideal upbringing. My task today, however, is to be grateful for my past, for two parents who did and are currently doing the best that they can, and strive to provide better for my children. I can’t wait to see them start their own families far better equipped to do so than I ever was.

Proverbs 1:8-9 - Listen, my son, to your father's instruction and do not forsake your mother's teaching. They will be a garland to grace your head and a chain to adorn your neck.

My 2010 Crossroads

Sat, 9 Jan 2010 18:46:03 -0600

I’m going to ramble. Since very few people read this who aren’t friends or family, I thought I’d put an update on here instead of email. This will probably show up on Facebook too, I suppose, which is fine.

I’m looking forward to the Legislative Session here in Iowa even if I’m a little tense about the potential damage the Legislature and the Department of Education could do to Iowa’s future. My Iowa Association of Christian Schools client keeps me pretty busy.

Parental Choice and School Choice have few friends in Iowa. Our tax credit program to help low- and middle-income families choose the school that best meets their child’s needs is under attack by Gov. Culver and his “tax credit review panel,” the Department of Education is increasingly hostile to private education in the state, our textbook and transportation reimbursement dollars are dwindling each year (textbook dollars are at a lower level than they were in 1992 - bipartisan effort to raid those funds over the years), and the number of potential students for our private schools is down with the declining youth population in Iowa. Demographics are cyclical but the timing isn’t good.

On top of all that, I’m not sure I am going to be able to keep this lobbying gig up after this session. If you are the praying type, please pray that I find more work either during the session or in the Summer and Fall or I may be done. Rachel has carried a lot of weight financially the last few years while we did what we felt God called us to do. We felt we were supposed to commit to at least three years of this and it has been just over that. I’m hopeful I can continue to lobby for clients I care about but I need to make a living too. I just got my annual Social Security Statement and laughed out loud when I saw my income history. Sad few years it’s been on that front.

This is the first post of 2010. 2009 was a year of frustration. It started out with a legislative session filled with asinine financial decisions by our political class both in Iowa and in Washington. I’m nervous for my children. I have solidified in my mind how liberals and some conservatives fill the spiritual void in their lives with public policy and government. When you don’t have eternal perspective, what else is there but government to fulfill the parts of us that yearn for justice and purpose? The problem is that faith in government and zeal for justice and fairness through public policy ends up in a utopian zeal that inevitably turns to tyranny of the many to satiate the pipe-dreams for the few.

I lost my Grandpa Ray in June, my Grandpa Dahlen later in the Summer, haven’t been able to sell our home, and have been looking for more work in vain.

There were some bright spots. Kyle and Keira are healthy and cuter than ever. I love having kids that are self-sufficient in the daily routines but still need us so much at the same time. They are almost perfectly behaved. I’m spoiled. I also was honored to inherit my grandfather’s Honda Goldwing this Fall. It’s almost as old as I am and I love its vintage nature and smooth ride. Rachel’s business went well in spite of her time being torn away from her to work at Pulse 99.5 as the Program Director.

I’m glad 2009 is over with. I’m hopeful 2010 will be brighter for our family. I’m either going to find work for Goranson Consulting or I’m going to find work in finding work full time. :) Either way, I should be busy and I’m sure God will honor our effort.

Peace out...

The Angry Christian Candidate

Tue, 15 Dec 2009 11:19:57 -0600

I find it disconcerting that the political candidates running on Judeo-Christian values and championing social conservatism/family values tend to be the angriest and most disrespectful toward their opponents.

Is anger by Christ-followers and other social conservatives at our political class, cultural decline, and religious discrimination in America justified? Sure! I’d be worried if there wasn’t angst about the moral decline we are experiencing.

But when running for public office you are running to represent ALL the people in your district and you usually need 50% plus 1 to win. From my experience, I believe you can be outraged at the circumstances you want to change as a public servant while running a respectful, effective campaign.

The angriest constituents will generally flock to the angriest candidate but the vast majority of constituents would prefer to support a candidate that seems to transcend negativity and who champions principled AND pragmatic ideas.

I find it interesting that Jesus knew his entire life that the authority to execute Him lay with the Roman authorities yet he didn’t disparage Cesar or the Roman government in his sermons or parables. He had plenty of harsh words for church leaders, though...

Is our faith in public policy or the sovereignty of God? Is our faith in getting evangelicals elected or in the transformational power of God to save individual lives? Are we patriotically participating in the American Republic or are we turning government into an alter we demand God to work upon?

Just my humble observation for the month...

Governing From The Correct Middle

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 09:49:15 -0600

Let me preface this post by stating what most who know me would say is obvious: I’m VERY conservative. I am a self-branded “Republitarian” with strong libertarian roots and a Biblical worldview that places me firmly in the “social conservative” camp.

That being said, there are political realties that are being ignored by my fellow social conservatives and our RINO (Republicans in Name Only) friends:

The chart above illustrates that the era of the moderate is over. It’s not unlike the rules of radio marketing: if you try to be all things to all people you end up annoying most potential listeners. If you have a specific target demographic you are laser-focused on hitting, you’ll get their families, friends, and others that respect that focus even if they don’t appreciate everything about it.

What am I getting at?

Republicans can’t win a campaign by being Democrat-light. John McCain is a good example of this. They can’t win a campaign (outside of the most conservative districts) by being an evangelical ideologue, either. Iowa’s three-time gubernatorial primary candidate Bob Vander Plaats is a good example of this. There are many exceptions. Sometimes RINOs and ideologues win. But the perfect candidate will run not in the center of the American political spectrum but right smack dab in the middle of the Conservative spectrum.

I don’t believe social conservatives like myself need to have every one of our issues championed by every candidate. But I want a candidate that is solidly conservative, will not work against the party’s platform, and will show respect for each of the wings of the Republican party. We need a uniter that holds a judeo-christian worldview but shows respect for and a desire to work with those who just want lower taxes and government to get out of their lives.

The trick isn’t to be as extreme as possible or as moderate as possible. The trick is to govern from the correct middle. I agree with Glenn Beck’s recent comments that we just need solid Americans who care about sustaining American values and ideals. Family Values, thrift, hard work, individualism with compassion on those that need a hand-up (not a hand-out). These are not only evangelical ideals. They are American ideals.

Unless we switch to a more parliamentarian government, we are stuck with a two-party system for the foreseeable future. I don’t believe you have to be militant and marginalized in order to avoid being “mamby-pamby,” as one of my critics recently accused me of being.

I’m as solid a conservative as anyone. I just choose to win people over with love and respect...not by coming across as an angry, spiteful ideologue as too many do. I believe that every action has an equal and opposite reaction. The actions of the Obama Administration, Congress, and the Iowa Legislature deserve a reaction. But I believe we have a choice to react on their level with spite, militancy, and political drive or we can react by being what the American people really want: peaceful, loving, hard-working advocates that will oppose this current administration’s policies with verve and vigor but with an attitude and fortitude that reflects the following:

Matthew 5:43-45 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be sons of your Father who is in heaven. For he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust.

Galatians 5:14-15 “For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: “You shall love your neighbor as yourself. But if you devour one another, beware lest you be consumed by one another!

Galatians 5:25-26 “If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit. Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.”

I don’t always agree with the tact of my fellow Christian conservatives although I respect their zeal and agree with their positions on the issues. But what saddens me is when it comes out that one of their own feels differently about a subject - especially politics - and the slander and vitriol begins to ooze out...

We should be better than that.

“Let Me Rise” Video

Fri, 6 Nov 2009 10:41:02 -0600

I got an email about this from the American Association of Christian Schools today and saw it over at “Evangelicals Anonymous.” I just had to share it here.

This video is one of the best defenses of School Choice and Parental Rights I’ve ever seen. It’s powerful, factual, and rightfully shames the NEA and members of Congress hell-bent on holding children back from their true potential in the name of dues, power, and the perpetuation of the status quo.

Tell me what you think.

Had To Share

Sun, 25 Oct 2009 20:53:30 -0500

Saw this Cartoon on TownHall.com and had to share:

Obama Supporters Resort to Tyranny

Sat, 8 Aug 2009 10:25:25 -0500

On 8/4/09, the White House blog stated that “since we can’t keep track of all of them,” supporters were asked to help to track those spreading “misinformation” about their Health Care Revolution plan. The Obama White House has also encouraged supporters to “punch back twice as hard” when citizens protest sweeping erasures of individual liberty.

The White House is basically saying that it or its supporters are taking names and kicking @$$ if you disagree with them on Health Care Revolution.

Well, White House, I believe that your plans for health care is a socialist power grab that has little to do with health care. I believe that your agenda shows that you find repellant the Founder’s vision for America. I believe that you and your union thugs are crossing a line over the last week that smacks of Chavez-style political tyranny. I’m convinced that your “keep your private health insurance” line is not only a lie, but shows how stupid you think Americans are.

Add me to your list of political enemies and bring it on. This educated “conservative” American citizen may be bitterly clinging to his guns and religion, but that makes him more than adequately prepared for anything.

I’m starting to get increasingly aware of the relevancy of Thomas Jefferson’s statement that:

“The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots & tyrants. It is its natural manure.”

Am I suggesting violent opposition to the American government? No. Would it take much for me to get there? Drive out private health care, try to take away my right to bear arms, or attempt to infringe on my religious liberty and we’ll see...